Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The night before your 5th

My Darling Little Girl,

It is the night before your 5th Birthday.

It is your last day as a four year old---Tomorrow marks the beginning of 5!

All the presents are wrapped, the decorations are set, there is  anticipation in the air waiting for you to wake up tomorrow and revel in all that is YOUR day.
So I sit here with a moment to look back at the last 5 years.

June is always a VERY emotional month for me. First comes your birthday and I am overjoyed, elated really at having you celebrate yet another year, another milestone.  It reminds me of the happiest day of my life.  

But it also reminds me of  THAT day,  June 29th!  The anniversary of your diagnosis.
The day that brings all those memories to the forefront--All year I try hard to dismiss them--to hide them away in the back of my head. (mind you, with little success) And this one day brings it all right back to the front!  On this day I can remember EVERY SINGLE DETAIL!--All the conversations we had, all the smells of the hospital, the taste of the food we forced ourselves to swallow--EVERYTHING with so much clarity.  It is as if it was yesterday.  The outlook seemed very bad those days.  They told us not to look up citrullinemia on google--we would be afraid of what we read.  True--We did and we were oh so very afraid!

But they also told us, that you were such a strong girl--you fought so hard--just ask those PICU nurses.
You were so brave-- you gave mommy a smile even though you were in so much pain!
You responded so well, amazing all the nurses,  when I sang you our favourite Robert Munsch lullaby.

You amazed them then and continued to amaze us all.

You have become our teacher!  Taught us to be more patient, to appreciate all that life has to offer, to not sweat the small things.  You taught us that life is too short for all the other nonsense.  It is because of you that I am a better person.

You have the sweetest and most loving heart--always trying to make your mommy and papi so proud of you---And we are--Believe me--We could not be more proud of you!

You have an amazing spirit--When you have had the hardest of days, you are still smiling.

You have a way of captivating everyone with your laugh, your giggles, your personality.

So I sit here, the night before your 5th and I want you to know that you have made me the proudest and happiest mother in the world.  I also think I just may be the luckiest to have been blessed watching you grow over the years into this beautiful little girl:

"I'll love your forever, 
I'll like you for always, 
As long as I'm living, 
my baby you'll be"

Love you forever and always, to the moon and back!

Your mommy!

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